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Title: The Story/Garden of Kenn-ation
Summary: Basically the story of creation, my way.
Warnings: Anti-Christian, Implications of Lesbianism, Brief sex reference, Swearing, Mild implications of violence.
Disclaimer: I didn't write the Bible :-P... I don't own the characters... I just spun the story from the bible, and twisted it because I was bored.
Reviews: Constructive criticism, and positive feedback are welcome, insults aren't as welcome, but enough people 'hate' me for my religion, so why not have fun with someone elses...*shrug*
A.N.: It hasn't been beta-ed, sorry.
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THE STORY/GARDEN OF KENN-ATION
Now, most people know the ‘Story of Creation’ and how Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, right? Well… What if it didn’t happen exactly like you were told…
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In the beginning, there was only darkness. A vast and looming vacuum of ibis. And God, for all his troubles, was not impressed at being the only thing around, so he decided, like a small child would given play-doh, that he would create. And first, he created the Universe, millions upon millions of Galaxies, expanding forever, and although being quite tired, he wanted to see his creation, and so announced, in his overly booming voice, “Let there be light!” In an instant, several thousand Suns were born, one for each Galaxy. And right next to God’s face was Earth, he jumped back, rather shocked at the blue water he saw.
Over the few days he created land, night time, plants, animals, fish and birds. On the sixth day, God made a serious error in judgement.
God was feeling slightly tense, and after all his work, quite fancied a little entertainment, having grown bored of watching animals have sex with each other, he thought he’d turn his hand to something much more interesting. A ‘Woman’ is what he decided to call it. He moulded perfect breasts, took care to only use the softest materials for the skin, chocolate coloured eyes, skin colour not differing much from raw pine wood. When he was sure he had her just right, he thought about putting her with the animals, but instead, placed her in a ‘paradise’ garden of sorts.
“This is the Garden of Eden.” He informed the woman, who raised an eyebrow and then sat herself down on the grass and began to play with her toes, unsure of language, or anything much to be quite honest.
God sighed, feeling that teaching was a process he really couldn’t be bothered with, he made a tree spring from the grass before his latest project and lowered a branch towards her. “Here, eat this.” She looks at the apple, and though no knowledge was in her mind, her instincts told her to eat, and she did, gaining knowledge of the world with each bite.
“Hi” She said upon tossing the apple core into a nearby bush, “I’m Kennedy.” God was taken aback by the utter brash nature that his creation had adopted, simply by gaining knowledge.
“Gah!” He cries, “Never eat another apple, or I shall banish you from this beautiful garden forever.” And with that, God’s spirit took off, back into Space, to watch her actions.
After a few hours of entertaining herself, the brunette looks down at her body, “Man it’s freezing, what do you gotta kill ‘round here to get a warm coat?” She looks over at the tree, juicy red apples hanging over the branches. “Maybe it’s warmer out of here than in here, besides, not like this place is any fuckin fun anyways…” She mutters, pushing herself up off the grass and stealing another apple, munching into it.
A bolt of thunder hit’s the apple in Kennedy’s hand and the brunette jumps backwards, God’s spirit naught but a black cloud, engulfing her being and carrying her outside of the garden. Placed on a rock, and freezing her butt off, the brunette cursed loudly.
The first thing she did was whack a great bear over the head with a rock, and use its skin for a coat, washing the blood off in the cool waters near the outskirts of the Garden from whence she was banished.
A few hours passed, and she heard a deep voice, that wasn’t God’s, coming from the garden. Peering as close as she could get, the brunette saw the most hideous thing she had ever seen, what God had called ‘Man’. The shudder that ran down her spine from the sight of him, was not through coldness, but through utter disgust.
She really decided that she was better off without having to be in the same place as that ‘Man’ thing… And consoled herself with bathing in the waters, her feet being tickled by minnows, until she heard a heavenly sound coming from the Garden.
Peering once again, she saw a beautiful Redhead, laughing and dancing with glee in the garden, the ‘Man’ smiling, and Kennedy couldn’t help but notice that one of his body parts was rising as he watched the redhead woman dance. Disgusting and strange, the brunette thought to herself, turning her attention once more to the dancing redhead. “Oh, how I wish I knew her name…”
What Kennedy saw on the evening of the Sixth day, was something that made her feel ill. The ‘Man’ jabbing at the redhead with his risen body part, groaning while the redhead screamed in pain, God all the while chuckling at his entertainment.
Surely this God dude has gotta be tired out now? She thinks, I’ll get the redhead out of there tomorrow while he sleeps.
Kennedy awoke early, with the rising sun. She watched her first sunrise in awe at the changing colours, feeling the water lap at her feet as she sat on her rock. She turns to the carcass of the dead bear and pulls some of the meat from it. Finally, covered in muscle residue and blood, she jumps into the water, cleansing her skin once more.
She wraps herself in the coat again, and makes her way over to the edge of the garden, making soft cooing sounds to attract the woman and not the brutal ‘Man’ thing.
The redhead opened her eyes blearily, “Huh?” Was all she managed, unable to form real language. The brunette coaxes her over, and then pointed at the red apple tree. The redhead’s eyes went wide and she began shaking her head violently.
“No, no, it’s okay…You can eat it.” Kennedy soothes.
After much persuasion through hand signals, the redhead picks one of the apples and bites into it hungrily, chewing through it’s shiny flesh, gaining knowledge as she eats. “This apple is amazing!” She manages in between biting, munching and swallowing. All the while, Kennedy is plotting to rid them of the ‘Man’ thing.
“I’m Willow.” The redhead announces, holding her hand towards the brunette.
“Kennedy.” She is distracted. “Now, how do we get rid of your brutal ‘Man’ friend?” The brunette contemplates several options. Deciding that they should do it while God still sleeps.
She fetches a rock, and hands it to Willow. “I can’t go in there, you haven’t been banished yet, smash the rock into his head, I’ll fetch you a coat.” The redhead nods, and takes the rock, Kennedy goes off to kill another bear.
They meet back up, on the outskirts of the garden, the pair spattered in blood, Kennedy from a bear. Willow from the ‘Man’. The brunette slung the other fur coat around her redhead, and they took each others hands, walking into the night.
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And so you see…That is how it was. God awoke on the eighth day to a dead man, and a pair of lesbian lovers. What Kennedy witnessed on the night of the Sixth Day, made Willow fall heavily pregnant. And she gave birth to two sons, Cain and Able. While the rest of the bible may be true, the story of creation is one that history felt should be re-written. Why?… You know as well as I do that men don’t like admitting they made a mistake…
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Feel free to let me know your thoughts... :-) XxX |
